Caught with my pants down, and getting shot in the rear

Whenever the Health Center is mentioned I hear about how terrible it is and hear things like: “Whenever a girl comes in with a stomachache, she is immediately diagnosed with being pregnant.” Or “Every time you go in with a sore throat, you have mono.”

My favorite story happened my Sophomore year. My friend Lindsay went into the health center for what appeared to be flu-like symptoms, but mainly because of stomachaches. The conversation went something like this:

“After running a few tests, we think you should take a pregnancy test.”

“There is no way I am pregnant.”

“Honey, even if you take all the neccessary precautions, you can still get pregnant.”

“I’m a virgin.”

“I would still get one.”

Hmmm. I guess the Health Center believed Lindsay looked a lot like Mary.

Anyways, every year without fail I get sick in the middle of November. Growing up, there were very few Thanksgivings where I was not sick with strep throat or the flu.

Because Senior year is so stressful with work, I decided to get the flu shot so I wouldn’t get sick for finals. However, on Sunday I started to sneeze uncontrollably and my nose ran like a faucet. So I made an appointment, so I could get better before I got actually sick.

No such luck. I got diagnosed with strep throat. The funny thing about it was that my throat never hurt. So thinking back on the all the stories about misdiagnoses and how the Health Center believes in another “immaculate conception”, I asked them to run another strep test. Positive.

I hate taking pills because I always end up forgetting one and once you start feeling better, taking the medicine seems pointless. One time I had strep throat really bad, they gave me a steroid shot in one cheek and 10 days worth of antibiotics in the other. Therefore I asked the ladies at the health center if they had the same thing, and I was in luck.

The thing I love about the Health Center is that everyone there is really nice and laugh at my corny jokes. So when the nurse came in to give me the two shots in the bum, I said something along the lines of, “Remember this is not a prostate exam.” It really wasn’t funny, but she had to sit down she was laughing so hard. So at least she boosted my self esteem.

The thing I learned about medical people is that they do not live by the counting standards we have learned since we were children. When you first jumped off a high dive with a buddy you would say, “1.2.3. JUMP!” However, shot givers love to shoot on 2. I was ready for her this time.

She said it would pinch a little and she would go on 3 (yea right). So when she counted to two, I had clinched my cheeks super tight. She started to laugh and tell me to relax, right when someone opened the door to ask the nurse a question.

So imagine the scene. I am standing up. My pants are down. She has rubber gloves and a needle. We are both laughing. My knuckles are white from clenching the bed so hard, and someone walks in. The person just kind of cracked the door and said sorry and slammed the door shut. I know understand the meaning of the phrase, “It’s like being caught with your pants downs.” I looked back at the nurse, smiled, and shook my head. It was as if we had this kind of awkward bonding moment.

I had to wait 20 minutes to make sure I didn’t pass out and during the time, I got to meet a lot of nice nurse practitioners. It is weird to say, but I actually had fun at the Health Center. They gave me a pass to miss class for the next two days and sent me on my way with two bruised cheeks.

The reason I wanted to write this blog is to hear what people’s reactions are to the Health Center. Have you been misdiagnosed? Do you think they do a good job? Have you ever been caught with your pants down there?